How to be happy forever

 

So, you have finally hit rock bottom. Your attention spam is now lower to that of a blowfish, and you probably clicked on this link without you even registering it, after long minutes of mindlessly scrolling and refreshing your feed.

In fact, you are already losing interest, and your sweaty fingers are hovering around the go back button.


There, I even included an icon for you to keep you nice and stimulated. However, now you’re feeling self-conscious, because you’ve been told that cool people read, and you would like to be cool, don’t you?

You’ve been feeling quite miserable lately, haven’t you?  Well, worry no more my pathetic friend. Your misery ends today, so keep reading.

Hi, it’s me. I have achieved what no other person has before me. I am in complete, total control of my thoughts and my emotions, and I will show you how you can be the same today, with 2 simple tricks. If you’re wondering that this is all too convenient because nobody else can prove that I’m telling the truth, that’s exactly the point. But we don’t want you thinking too hard, you’ll end up confusing yourself. Just keep reading for now, okay?

Hey congrats, you have gotten this far already. Here, as a reward, I included more pictures just for you. They even have colors this time.

How many times have you walked around your city, and came across some old street book vendor broadcasting books like these. You felt intrigued yet intimidated. Surely books like these would reveal the meaning of the universe for you, if only you had the patience to sit through more than one page without spacing out and thinking about what you’ll order for diner. What a shame.

Well, what if I told you that what you’re about to read is even better than all of these books combined?

I promised you 2 tricks to turn your life around today, and I am a man of my word.

Trick number 1: You should be reading more. You can start by going to your local library today and buying all of my books. Remember, your local library, not some random street vendor. Not for any particular reason.

Don’t worry if you’re struggling to get started, just put them on your shelf and invite your friends over. They will think you’re very cool.

I have also started merchandising black t-shirts with my name printed on them. Be sure to pick those up so everyone else around you know how smart and disciplined you are.

Trick number 2 : Go gym eat healthy be sociable travel meet new people pursue new interests learn how cook instead of ordering food everyday you filthy animal yes you buy more of my books smile give firm handshakes be confident live laugh love watch less television buy my books spend less time on social media buy my books listen to music do meditation

Its that easy.

What do you mean you’ve been trying to go to the gym for 2 years but are too scared/depressed to even start?

I got you my dear Neanderthal friend. Buy my other books and you’ll no longer feel scared and depressed and lonely and unmotivated and unsure about the point of existing, in just 3 simple tricks.

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